What Every Dad Should Know About Their Daughter

| January 24, 2012 | Comments (207)

 

Last week I was dropping my daughter off for a birthday party.  As I was leaving a man stopped me asking for direction.  He was standing with one of my daughter’s school friends.  Immediately recognizing her I put my hand out and introduced myself explaining that our daughters sit together at lunch often.  His reaction was sarcastic as he gave his daughter a side-ways glance.  I didn’t fully catch what he said but whatever it was it didn’t honor his daughter in any way.  Looking at her I could tell this was not abnormal behavior.

I’ll be honest… I wanted to punch him.

It’s challenging to articulate the influence a father has on a little girl.  How much of his attitude and actions toward her can determine her future relationships.  I remember how much stock I placed in what my dad thought of me.  I remember how much I wanted him to be proud of me.  To affirm me.  To show me my value.

I remember how he would brag about me on the sidelines of the soccer field.

How he would tell me I’m beautiful.

How he would hug me so hard I couldn’t breath.

How often he reminded me as a teenager, “Never date a boy you wouldn’t marry.”
(What a way to narrow the playing field!)

Dad’s, don’t lose sight of the impact you have today on your daughter’s future.  Here are three things I encourage you to focus on:

Affirm Her

She looks to you for affirmation, encouragement, & guidance.  As she grows through puberty (ESPECIALLY, as she grows through puberty), she needs your voice reminding her that she is beautiful, valuable and worthy of love.  If she can learn to believe you, then she’ll believe her future husband when he tells her the same things.

Set the Standard

Be the husband you want her to have one day.  Enough said.  Is it difficult?  Yes.  Does it mean sacrifice?  Yes.  Is it worth it?  Yes.  I watch my husband daily making changes to be a better husband and dad.  He’s amazing.  He demonstrates for our daughter the kind of man he wants her to marry one day.

Talk About the Standard

Talk about the future.  As you “Imagine the End” and think about the man you hope she marries… talk about it!  Let her know what you expect.  Set the bar.  She’ll do everything she can to jump over it.

Let me level with you, dad.  The more you affirm her today, the less she’ll seek affirmation in some teenage boy later.

 

Category: fpKids - Birth to Preschool, fpKids - Elementary

This post was written by Gina McClain: View author profile.

Short url: http://fpchur.ch/vh

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  • Sarah Bagley

     THANK YOU for saying the right thing. Men and women are wired differently: it’s human nature. We, as women, are wired to want affirmation that we are beautiful, both inside and out. Men are wired to want respect and to be known as strong. Why do you think God tells women to “respect” their husbands, and men to “love” their wives? God knows how we operate, and what each person needs to feel loved.
    After all, He did create us.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kimberly.winklercoffey Kimberly Winkler-Coffey

    This is a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing. Hope it is a wake up call to a few.

  • Anonymous

    In reading this post, I can’t tell you how true these words are. I grew up with a father that was the exact opposite. He called me every name in the book, told me how fat I was, and that not only was I good for nothing, but that I’d never amount to anything and that no one would ever want me. Then when I found someone who made me think that he cared and saw me as beautiful and smart, I rushed into his arms and a relationship with him. Sadly he turned out to be very abusive and because of what my dad used to say, I thought that I deserved it and that I couldn’t get anyone better and delt with the abuse silently for many years ending with his threat to kill me and attempt to. If I had had a dad that treated me better, I would have thought more of myself and wouldn’t have put up with the abuse as long as I had. Even now, I find myself struggling at 30 to believe in my own self worth and find it very difficult to accept anyone’s compliments as being real. I hope that all dads read this and realize how truly influencial they are in a daughter’s life. Thank you for writing this!!!

  • Anonymous

    For those of you questioning a mother’s role, I have this to say. My mother is the most amazing woman I know. She has always been there for me and has been my best friend. She has always been so good to me in her words and actions and has been a great role model. She’s never put me down. Instead she always told me how great I am and how I deserve the best and can do anything I want. She was the one who helped get me away from the abuse when I finally confided in her. However, there’s something about a father’s relationship with his daughter that is different than a mother’s. Think of it this way, there are times when a woman’s opinion matters, and in other areas it’s a man’s opinion that really counts. There is a difference. I think men need to truly realize that they have a such a huge influence of their own.

  • Anonymous

    I’m Catholic. I went to Catholic school, sang in the choir and go to Church every Sunday to this day. Why is it that God can forgive all sins, and does, but we can’t? Doesn’t anyone realize that part of God’s teachings is that he loves all of His children unconditionally? So why wouldn’t he accept them into heaven and forgive them as he says? We as God’s children need to start doing the same. “Forgive those who trespass against us…” Are we fogetting about forgiveness and love the way God has taught and instead persecuting our brothers and sisters who are children of God as well? These words sadden me and feel more hateful than words any Catholics I know would ever use. You should be ashamed and embarrassed to call yourself religious in any way and using God’s name in vain. Time for some reconciliation, I’d say.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-E-Wheeler/1521127569 David E. Wheeler

    It all comes down to learning who God -not society – not your mind or level of human understanding ,  has created you to be.  Remember God’s grace and love always comes with a big lump of TRUTH- which only he posses.  Stop teaching your kids to trust their feelings and parents stop role-modeling your emotional addictive behavior. If you start searching for who you are in God all this other controversial stuff will fall by the way side.  There is no room for selfishness with God so deny yourself-COMPLETELY- and seek His TRUTH and you will find your identity.  You were created by HIM and for HIM.  But most of us live for self and now we have a screwed up society influencing children with their ignorance.  And each generation dominos into a greater ignorance.  Get over yourselfs and realize God gave us children on loan- they belong to HIM.  And there will be a day of reckoning for those who make ideologs out of HIS children.  I pray mercy on all our souls.  Remember mercy doesn’t exist without TRUTH.

  • http://www.facebook.com/amon.medinger Amon Medinger

    Couldn’t agree more! Here’s a video that every dad that has a daughter should see… http://www.amonmedinger.com/vota-show-me-what-i-got/

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