What Every Dad Should Know About Their Daughter

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Last week I was dropping my daughter off for a birthday party.  As I was leaving a man stopped me asking for direction.  He was standing with one of my daughter’s school friends.  Immediately recognizing her I put my hand out and introduced myself explaining that our daughters sit together at lunch often.  His reaction was sarcastic as he gave his daughter a side-ways glance.  I didn’t fully catch what he said but whatever it was it didn’t honor his daughter in any way.  Looking at her I could tell this was not abnormal behavior.

I’ll be honest… I wanted to punch him.

It’s challenging to articulate the influence a father has on a little girl.  How much of his attitude and actions toward her can determine her future relationships.  I remember how much stock I placed in what my dad thought of me.  I remember how much I wanted him to be proud of me.  To affirm me.  To show me my value.

I remember how he would brag about me on the sidelines of the soccer field.

How he would tell me I’m beautiful.

How he would hug me so hard I couldn’t breath.

How often he reminded me as a teenager, “Never date a boy you wouldn’t marry.”
(What a way to narrow the playing field!)

Dad’s, don’t lose sight of the impact you have today on your daughter’s future.  Here are three things I encourage you to focus on:

Affirm Her

She looks to you for affirmation, encouragement, & guidance.  As she grows through puberty (ESPECIALLY, as she grows through puberty), she needs your voice reminding her that she is beautiful, valuable and worthy of love.  If she can learn to believe you, then she’ll believe her future husband when he tells her the same things.

Set the Standard

Be the husband you want her to have one day.  Enough said.  Is it difficult?  Yes.  Does it mean sacrifice?  Yes.  Is it worth it?  Yes.  I watch my husband daily making changes to be a better husband and dad.  He’s amazing.  He demonstrates for our daughter the kind of man he wants her to marry one day.

Talk About the Standard

Talk about the future.  As you “Imagine the End” and think about the man you hope she marries… talk about it!  Let her know what you expect.  Set the bar.  She’ll do everything she can to jump over it.

Let me level with you, dad.  The more you affirm her today, the less she’ll seek affirmation in some teenage boy later.


  • kaddison2001

    Christ was MORE than just a man…….He is the Son of God!

    Bible has many verses referencing the “unnatural acts” and
    “homosexuality being a abomination”. As well as marriage being “man and
    woman”. Also a verse that says if one can NOT control his sexual urges
    than needs to marry otherwise best to remain single. We all sin. But
    are suppose to stop the sin if we want to be given the gift of eternal
    life in Heaven. The Bible is written by men but also says men as guided
    by Him. The Bible written by many during times when people were not
    really all that smart. The Bible is the best Book ever written. I have
    come to believe it is possible “some” homosexuals are born that
    way….. knowing there are many different kinds of birth defects
    …..why not homosexuality. I also believe in demons and they roam this
    world tempting people to lust, steal, fornicate, commit adultery,
    murder, desire children in unnatural ways, ect. making it possible these
    people (not all) are possessed. They have allowed the demons to enter
    full filling their evil desires!

  • Actually, only Adam and Eve got the whole one man/one woman treatment. Everyone else seemed free to go the one man/lots and lots of women route. Meaning you can have one or more wife, and lots of concubines, all of whom you have lots and lots of sex with, and God won’t judge you for that. Why? Because the institution of marriage was pretty much always political. So feel free to ignore all the passages listing our favorite (usually Old Testament) Biblical heroes’ wives and concubines and children.

    PS I am quite Christian, I just don’t believe in choosing very specific passages so that we can waste time and energy condemning other people, when there are loads more passages we ignore because it goes against what we condemned people for.

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  • Heather B.

    Amen! My husband and I often talk about the importance of fathers in this world today for all children, but the impact of father’s with their daughters, as you said, it’s hard to articulate that importance. It’s serious. Thanks for your post and your understanding and awareness!! We’ve been reading a new book (actually “renewed”, or re-released) I think you and every daddy with a daughter would like. It aligns with what you’re saying. It’s called “She Calls Me Daddy: 7 Things You Need to Know About Building a Complete Daughter,” by Robert Wolgemuth. The original book came out in the 90s, a best seller, and now his grown girls have added their input. Really unique and I highly recommend it! Blessings!

  • RBaldwin1944

    Too right ‘Beauty doesn’t just imply “looks”.’ I’m 71, my wife is older, and is beautiful to me. She is, truly, ‘An help meet (fit and proper) for me. Her patience with me, her pointers when I need advice – I could go on. This year 48th wedding anniversary.

  • Rebecca Longoria Perez Lopez

    Amen. No one just turns out gay. It is a personal choice. Validation needs to be put in place.