Creative Discipline

| February 10, 2012 | Comments (3)

This week I had the honor of meeting with a concerned parent who was dealing with some difficult challenges with their teenager.  They have a very strong willed child, who despite traditional discipline continues to choose to be disobedient and runs straight into poor choices and decisions.  They have tried grounding, taking the cell phone away, cutting off all access to the computer and social media, as well as limited and restricting access to friends and they still seem to be coming up empty in finding ways to effectively discipline their child. 

The longer we talked, the more I began to think about how each child is different.  Even in my own family each child had different types of discipline that were effective.  For me, just take my friends away and you could get me to do anything you wanted.  All it took for my younger brother was that look of disappointment and he would melt.  My sister and older brother were completely different.  My parents tried everything and nothing worked.  It did not matter what you did, it seemed like it had no effect on them. 

My older brother would always fight with me growing up.  Now I never did anything to prompt it, however he always seemed to mess with me.  I say that jokingly, but it was true to a degree, my mom and dad tried forever to figure out creative discipline strategies that would stop my brother from instigating fights with me.  I remember my favorite was if they found out that he instigated the fight, then I would get to spank him with the paddle!  I loved it, except for the punishment he would then inflict on me when mom and dad were gone.  As much as I loved it, even this creative discipline strategy failed.  Then finally my mom and dad found a strategy that worked.  The only problem was that I got punished alongside of him.  Any time he instigated a fight with me, my parents would make up go out on the front porch and sit with our noses touching.  We could not say anything, and we had to keep our hands behind our backs and sit there with our noses touching.  It was horrible, but it worked.  We would start the thirty minutes of punishment being so mad at each other, but the longer we sat there the more we would begin to laugh, and the more we laughed the more we forgot about fighting with each other.  To this day my mom still says that this strategy cut our fights in half.  All it took was some determination and creative discipline.

If you are a parent of a strong willed child that no discipline seems to work on I am sure you are looking and asking others for any ideas that they might have in creative discipline for strong willed kids.  I would love to hear any creative discipline ideas that you might have and would want to share with other readers and parents.  My only request in doing this is that we show love and respect to each other in our comments.  I know that as people share their creative discipline ideas, that others will feel the need to criticize or disagree with their ideas…let’s not do that here!  If you don’t like the idea you don’t have to use it.  So let’s hear those creative discipline ideas!

Category: Middle School Ministry

This post was written by Matt Grimes: View author profile.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/annpthompson Ann Phillips Thompson

    Whoa, Matt! If I didn’t know better, I would think you were describing MY son. Strong-willed is putting it mildly and I, like the couple you’re counseling, can’t seem to find an effective discipline. I, too, have tried all of their listed strategies, as well as him having to pay a “fine” from his allowance, having no tv watching, no electronic games to play, working in the yard and/or house beyond his regular chores but nothing seems to work. Oh, he’ll abide by whatever discipline I give him, long or short term, but as soon as his term is done, it’s like it never happened. He’s basically a good kid, I know that but he is willful and impulsive and I have no idea how to curb those impulses or just to get him to think beyond the moment. I look forward to hearing other folks’s input on this problem I share with others.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/B7CP6A27BHUKIIR6BSZLBT6J5U Janis

    I came home one saturday afternoon and my house was clean and quiet.  I immediately knew something was wrong.  I ask my husband where our 4 & 6 year old children were and he pointed to the dining table!  Of course, they weren’t on the table – they were under it.  He had gotten so fed up (no pun intended) with them telling each other that they hated each other he had them sit under the table, cheek to cheek and hug.  While there they were to think about how much they actually loved each other and how they would feel if one of them was no longer here.  I asked why under the table and he shrugged and said that he wanted a boring place  and it was the only confined space he could think of at the time that he could relax in his recliner and watch them.  They are now grown with children of their own and they laugh about that experience.

  • Catherine Barnett

    I have no real answers to this posting, but I will say that about 4 years ago my husband and I went to a parenting conference led by Tim Kimmel, an incredible “parenting expert” and author. One of the things that he said that changed my life was about strong willed children. He asked us, the large group of parents, if any of us had strong willed children. He then said if you have to think about it — you don’t! Then he asked for our attention and he spoke these words to us: “God has given you the privilege of raising a strong willed child. This child will one day grow up to be an incredible leader and adult if you continue training them up in the ways of our Father.” He said a lot of other things, but instead of feeling that I had been cursed with a strong willed child, my heart changed and I began to see it as an opportunity. Not a very fun one at times, but my child will one day make a difference in this world. She will become a leader.

    One of my daily prayers is that she will be caught when she does things that need correcting. This prayer is answered often and it is VERY uncomfortable as the parent to have to deal with some of the embarrassing issues that they get caught in, but use those times as opportunities to show your child that you love her unconditionally. This past week we had to confront our daughter on some very tough issues that we caught her in. I now have to be on my knees and seek God on how to guide her in the right direction. I also have to know that she will make MANY mistakes. Deal with the issues; use these sticky situations as awesome God moments to help your child grow spiritually. PRAYER is the key to surviving parenthood.

    A very good friend of mine said to me, “Have you truly given her to the Lord?” I thought I had, but I don’t think that I have fully given her to the Lord. I have discovered the hard way, that my ways never work, but God’s ways always work. Sometimes His ways don’t make sense during the tough times, but looking back you can see the path clearly.

    Pray for your child daily, love them unconditionally and give them to the Lord. He can love them through anything.