When I came to Monterrey, I didn’t really know what to think. I had come three years before, and I thought it was just another trip. But it wasn’t even close to that. Not in any way. In Mexico, I’ve learned a lot about myself, others, and God. I have had issues with self-worth, depression, and severe anxiety. But here, as I work alongside of a wonderful team of people I have gotten to know and pray with, I know that God is moving in my heart. I know he is telling me I am worthy and beautiful. Today I woke up with my normal everyday thoughts of negativity. I felt horrible about my life and others. But during my quiet time, God really spoke to me. And for me, as a thirteen year old girl, I had never really felt that feeling before. It was like a wave of love and compassion. He told me something I would never forget. That I am made in His reflection. That I am made perfectly imperfect. And He loves me, just like He loved His son. That even my thoughts and actions don’t define who I am. I am the daughter of the almighty king. When it came time for small group, my leader read out of the pamphlet, and sure enough, it reflected what God had told me. The plank in my eye is keeping me from seeing the true beauty inside of me, and that when I tell my best friend that she is beautiful, and to never say she is ugly, I have not thought about that for myself. That I have not yet fixed that same issue for my own. How am I to tell her that she is beautiful, before I accept that I am beautiful first? A lesson I have really started to learn here is that you must love yourself before you can love others. Another lesson I have learned is humbleness. When we went to a children’s home called Douglas, the child we sponsored had found a handful of beads. We laid them down on the table and named the colors one by one and laughed together. He took the beads everywhere we went. When he played, when he ate, even when we held hands. I thought to myself, I would take those little beads for granted. But this orphan boy thinks these beads are amazing. He told me to come as I walked with him. He put the beads in my hand, and tipped my hand into the Ziploc in my backpack. He said in English “For you, friend.” I began to tear up and told him, “No. You keep.” But he refused. I couldn’t believe he gave his beads to me. He looked up and smiled at me, as he ran and told me to come again. What’s so precious about that moment, is that he could give the beads to me, even though he loved them so much. Out of the little he had, he gave what he loved most. It really reminded me of when God gave up Jesus. To have me. Maybe I am what God tells me I am. Maybe I can walk around with a smile because I am worthy. I now feel an overwhelming load of confidence and happiness. I couldn’t have asked for more out of this trip.
By: Callie Holland